Here's what you should say: 'This is what my company does...' It's that simple.
Imagine you get the chance to pitch your Big Idea to an investor–would you know exactly what to say? Well us Story Guys checked out this year’s SXSW Accelerator to witness Guy Kawasaki, Brad King and gang rake presenting entrepreneurs over the coals. Yikes. Austin is known for great BBQ, but we found the roastings over at the Salt Lick a lot less painful to consume. So to help you avoid getting crispified, we went out and scored some pitch intel: Here’s some Guy’isms on the subject:

  • “You say: ‘I don’t know much about your firm, but I thought I’d contact you anyway.’ Investor thinks: ‘You’re a lazy idiot–why are you wasting my time?’”
  • “You say: ‘I’m bright and ambitious.’ Investor thinks: ‘That’s a relief because I usually invest in stupid and lazy people.’”
  • “You say: ‘I’ve always wanted to be an entrepreneur.’ Investor thinks: ‘I’ve always wanted to be a professional golfer. So what if you always wanted to be an entrepreneur?’”
  • “You say: ‘I’m a blue sky thinker.’ Investor thinks: “You have no business model, and you don’t know how to ship.’”
  • “You say: ‘The last time I contacted you, I…’ Investor thinks: ‘I’m going to fire my secretary for putting this clown on my calendar again.”
  • “You say: ‘If you sign an NDA, I’ll tell you my idea.’ Investor thinks: ‘You are clueless. How can you not know that venture capitalists don’t sign NDAs?’”
  • “You say: ‘My goal is to build a world-class company.’ Investor thinks: ‘How about you ship and sell the first copy before we talk about world-class anything?’”
  • “Here’s what you should say: ‘This is what my company does…’ It’s that simple. What you’re trying to do is get potential investors to fantasize about how your product or service will make a boatload of money. They can’t fantasize if they don’t know what you do.”

Can you better Guy’s advice?

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